1.25.14 – Thought Wrap-Up

I didn’t blog yesterday due to a migraine. It was a particularly bad one and so I was saving all of my computer time for work – which wasn’t particularly successful. It was one of those migraines that affected focus & thought processes so I didn’t get much done.

I’ll need to write about that one day – Migraines. I’d actually love input from fellow migraine sufferers. I know several of my Twitter followers have severe migraines. I’d love to have your feedback on how you deal with them & how they affect your daily life. I’m particularly thinking about aphasia – which is one of the worst and more embarrassing symptoms.

In other news, I’ve spent the week tracking down better project management software – I’ll detail that in another blog next week. I’m just writing it down so I’ll remember.

Other random thoughts: I tweet and talk entirely too much about my dog. I never thought I would be one of those people, but alas, I am.

Two of my friends just had a baby girl. I want to squeeze her to bits. They were very good friends with my brother. I am sad that he couldn’t share this beautiful time with them and I know they are too. They are such great people (hi if you are reading this!)

I also met another one of my brother’s friends via Twitter. I want to follow  him (on Twitter, not in real life) and talk to him…. but I don’t know if that’s weird or not. Jake and I shared a lot of friends. We had a lot in common… but it is a bit out there to be like “Hi, you knew my dead brother. Let’s be friends!” At the same time, I’m still drawn to find more connections with Jake. Which in itself is a bit odd because I always feel connected to him. I never feel disconnected. I understood who he was. He understood who I was. That is rare in this world and I don’t believe connections like that ever die…. but yet I still long to know more about him… not on a philosophical or metaphysical level… but I long to know more about the simple moments in his life. I long to hear more stories of why people loved and cherished him.

It’s been almost a year since Jake died and yet there isn’t a day where some moment is not colored by his loss. I don’t know if it will always be that way or not. It doesn’t paralyze me. I’m able to compartmentalize just fine most of the time. Yet I feel like this hole inside of me should be a lot smaller by now.

This post has taken a rather dark turn. Sorry about that. I didn’t intend to write a sad entry today.




  1. I’ve got a sinus-thing going on, which frequently means that I spent the last hours at work with a headache. Luckily, it’s not as bad as the migraines I had as a teen, but in its frequency it’s still annoying. I tend to keep simple tasks till the end of the afternoon, so that a) I have something to do to wile away the time (headache + bored: not good), but b) am able to do them. Even so, the aphasia is one thing I also have. I think people have seen it at me – a colleague asked me out of the blue last week whether I was ok. I said: “shouldn’t I be?” and yet she was looking at me quizzical…
    Must have had some kind of stare, or slack face or something. Also unfortunate is that I’ve had meetings with my staff and with my boss while having a headache (and aphasia). With the underlings I can kind of wing it by letting them do the talking, but with my boss I’ve not been so lucky. I’ve explained in the past that I was just tired, end of the afternoon and all such, but couple of weeks ago I’ve clued her in about the sinuses – she’s familiar with that it can be debilitating.
    I’ve not mentioned the aphasia though, as I don’t want to go too far down the path of “says that he can’t do his job”. The aphasia for me means loss of words, having to use “whatchamacallits”, and Ang reminds me now that I also have difficulty understanding concepts, not see how B follows out of A… I don’t have any practical advice, except for laying down at home, with a cool, wet washcloth on your head/eyes. When having a prolonged attack, you might have a pan with an ice pack next to you, with a second washcloth, so you can swap and re-cool regularily.
    I’ve got an appointment with my specialist later this week – I’ve tried different medications, but none really help. On the scans it’s visible that my sinuses are narrowed and easily blocked. It might be a case for surgery.
    As said, it’s not as bad as the migraines I had as a teenager. The first really bad episode was when I was at my holiday job, and the left side of my face and my left hand got very numb, before the headache started. I thought I was having an aneurism. As I was at a front desk position I was half in a panic, half to take care of the customers – they must’ve thought, with my slurred speech, that I was in some disability work program!
    Later on I learnt to read the signs, and whenever I got the numbness, I knew how much time I had to try and get home before the headache hit hard (including sensitivity to light, smell, sound, warmth, in any order capable of causing nausea).

    As for being in contact with Jake’s friend: I can understand it can be a bit weird, but on the other hand: why not. A couple of months ago we visited a girl (and she visited us) who we really got to know after a mutual friend died.

  2. I’m so sorry you also have to deal with extreme headaches & migraines. Medication is such a tricky thing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it makes the situation worse or has side effects that aren’t tolerable.

    I’m lucky now, because I freelance, that I can plan meetings/interactions with clients around my health – which is so important because sometimes I cannot communicate at all if I’m having a migraine.

    Let me know how the visit with the specialist goes. Sending wishes that they are able to find a solution for you ❤

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