I’ve had dreams about my brother before. Each one cuts in a different way. Almost always, they leave me with sadness, yes, but also with a feeling of warmth and love. I suppose my mind is trying to be okay with this loss and focus on the love instead.
Last night, I dreamt about Jake again. I don’t remember the context, but I was speaking with my other two brothers, sitting on the couch in the home in which we grew up. I don’t know what preceded my saying this, but I said “Well, why don’t we just ask Jake to pick them up?”
And then, in my dream, I put my head in my hands and started to cry. I said “I forgot. I’m sorry. I just forgot.” I forgot he was gone.
But then, I felt Jake’s arms wrap around me and as I kept saying “I forgot. I can’t believe I forgot,” he kept saying “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”
I woke up moments later, wanting to cry, but also feeling comforted.
When you lose someone, you always have those moments. You always have those moments where you grab your phone or open up your email and then… you remember. I think those times are good though. Those times tell us that the person we love is still alive in our hearts.
We still remember the joy and solace they brought to our lives.