It’s The Little Things, Like Freaking TV Shows About Hackers

I do okay most days. Most days I’m fine and I don’t fall into the void of missing my brother. I miss him everyday, but I don’t get that very real pain in my heart where I feel like someone is stretching it apart. My brain doesn’t let that happen. My brain shuts the pain […]

Tokens of Memory

When most people think of ways to remember my brother, they tend to think of things to do with Batman. He loved Batman. Actually, love is a weak word to use. He owned a perfect replica of the Tim Burton era Batsuit and the ring he wore as his wedding ring had the Bat symbol […]

Dream Country

I’ve had dreams about my brother before. Each one cuts in a different way. Almost always, they leave me with sadness, yes, but also with a feeling of warmth and love. I suppose my mind is trying to be okay with this loss and focus on the love instead. Last night, I dreamt about Jake […]

Who, Without You

It never gets easier I’m just better at compartmentalizing. Nights, not so much, but I manage.  I read a lot. I drink wine, not beer, sorry about that. Sometimes I think about the things we loved. Some would find this a silly trigger. But tonight, I thought about Doctor Who. The new season starts soon. […]

4.4.14 – Perfect.

My brother Jason would have been 44 today. He was 42 when he died on March 15, 2013. You were perfect when you left all of the answers you took with you to life to the universe to everything The wisdom you never knew the wisdom you never embraced you never knew it was yours […]

A Memory

Saying goodbye to someone is a very surreal experience. You don’t want the moment to be fraught with grief but yet you can’t escape the sorrow that hangs in the air. My memories of the day leading up to my brother’s death are hazy. It was 7 or 8 at night when my brother Ben received […]

3.17.14 – Grateful Grief

This post might seem a little weird, but as this weekend marked the passing of my brother Jason (Jake), I thought intensely about the families of those aboard the missing Malaysia Airlines flight. While I am not lucky to have lost my brother, I am lucky to have closure about his death. I know what […]

Almost a Year.

It’s been almost a year since my brother passed away. I had this idea that I would write about it constantly. I thought I’d write a series of blogs to help me cope. In fact, I have a series of posts in draft and notes scribbled on post-its and in journals. I know that I […]

Metaphysical Checking In

The last dream I had before I woke up this morning was about my brother. But… it was a bit of an odd dream. I dreamt that someone kept using his Foursquare account. They checked into the same place over and over again, always with the same message. “I love my home.” I take this […]

2.19.14 – Don’t Ignore Your Body

listen to your body

My birthday is in 9 days. Internally, the back of my mind is casting a shadow on this event, because this time last year, my brother Jason was dying and none of us knew it. The doctors say that his aortic aneurysm was so small that if he’d had himself checked out, they would have […]